Death is Nature’s way of telling you to slow down.

Probably everyone knows that Oscar Wildes’s last words were supposed to have been ‘Either that wallpaper goes or I do.’   This is almost certainly not true but a famous wit like Oscar Wilde couldn’t possibly be allowed to die without a bon mot on his lips.   But leaving the realms of the apocryphal I thought it was wonderful to find out that Nigel Lawson ate some prosciutto, figs and mozzarella washed down with several glasses of red wine followed by a glass of Armagnac before dying five minutes later.   He was 91.   Wouldn’t that be everyone’s dream?

Barry Cryer was pretty amazing as well telling a joke the day he died – for those who are interested this is the joke.   A man and his wife are walking one day when they spot a bloke sitting alone in a bus shelter on the other side of the road.   ‘That looks like the Archbishop of Canterbury’ says the woman.   ‘Go and ask him if he is.’   Her husband crosses the road and asks the man if he is the Archbishop of Canterbury.   ‘Fuck off’ says the man.   The husband crosses back to his wife who ask.   ‘What did he say?   Is he the Archbishop of Canterbury?’   ‘He told me to fuck off’, says the husband.   ‘Oh no,’ says the wife.   ‘Now we’ll never know.’.

It seems to have been a week of famous endings because apart from the two examples above there was another one from the cartoonist Tony Husband who worked for Private Eye.   The magazine held a party on a boat last week that was setting off at 12.30 from Westminster Pier.   Tony’s train from Manchester was delayed and he missed the boat, but he drew a little cartoon of him standing on Westminster Pier waving at the departing boat that he sent on his phone to fellow cartoonist Nick Newman and shortly afterwards Tony had a heart attack and died.  

Obituaries are often both informative and amusing – in one this week it was said of the deceased that he was at his best before the end of lunch – I’m sure most of us have met people like that!!!

Obviously, we cannot choose out own deaths but with any luck we can ‘live’ until the end of our days.    Showing the same esprit as in our youth – albeit taking things at a slower pace.   Although to see Angela Rippon doing the splits is either an inspiration or mightily depressing.  A very dear and special friend of mine is seriously ill at the moment and she is quite remarkable.   She still has the most amazing enthusiasm for life and wants to know everything that is going on.   She asks me about my family and friends, we talk about books and reminisce about things we have done and places we have been to in our lives and she fills me with such admiration.   If it was me, I have a nasty feeling that I would just curl up and feel sorry for myself.

It would be wonderful to believe in heaven and think that at the end of my days on this earth I would go to a celestial paradise.   I discussed this this a clergyman many years ago and I said that heaven would be great because amongst other things I would be reunited with all the dogs I have owned.   He said that there wouldn’t be dogs in heaven and my retort was that if there weren’t dogs it wouldn’t be heaven.   His (stupid) argument was that dogs don’t have souls therefore they couldn’t go to heaven.  In my opinion anyone who has looked into a Labrador’s eyes and still thinks they don’t have souls is a very sad person.  

And finally and apropos of absolutely nothing, I see that Kim Kardashian, who is nothing if not an astute businesswoman, although I fear she would not be the most amusing dinner companion as she appears to take herself rather seriously, anyway apparently she has invented a bra with a built in nipple.   Showing a nipple used to be considered rather unseemly and something to be avoided.   In fact you can still buy stick on nipple covers.   Just goes to show that it takes all sorts.