Would Mr Darcy send a Dick Pic?

In the days of Jane Austen courtship was a gentler and more elegant affair (albeit possibly more commercial – pity the poor girl who was destined to remain a spinster or become a governess). After Mr Darcy proposes to Eliza Bennett and has been turned down he writes her a letter which he hands her the next day and part of it reads: `Be not alarmed, Madam, on receiving this letter by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those sentiments, or renewal of those offers, which were last night so disgusting to you.’
Whatever might have disgusted her it wasn’t a dick pic and I am pretty certain that Elizabeth Bennett wouldn’t have recognised a dick pic.
What did you do during lockdown? Did you learn Origami? Russian? Do Zoom Pilates? I have spent much of it watching television that I consider educational but my family dismiss as rubbish. You shouldn’t knock programmes such as Catfish or 90 Day Fiancé until you’ve tried them. A fascinating window into modern life and the reason I know about Dick pics! Apparently after meeting online and messaging back and forth you are ready to move on to the next level in your relationship and that is when he sends you a dick pic and then it is only polite for you to send him a picture of your hoo hah. I think I can leave it to your imagination to work out what a hoo hah is!
The vocabulary is certainly confusing for someone of my generation – when I was young a G & T meant a gin and tonic now I imagine it means gay and transgender
Catfish was a creepy looking bottom feeder and now it is a human creepy bottom feeder who lurks on the internet pretends to be someone he or she isn’t to reel in their prey.
Pansexual is a fashionable word and apparently it means you’ll shag anything and not Jamie Oliver on pancake day
Just to complicate things further cisgender is a word used to describe gender identity. Straight, on the other hand, is used to describe sexual orientation.
Being cisgender isn’t the same thing as being straight, but they can overlap: People can be both cisgender and straight. Honestly I think I’m going to have to go and lie down with a wet towel over my head.

As for online dating sites there are far too many to mention.
On Tinder apparently you swipe right if you fancy someone – how humiliating it would be if no one ever swiped right! Do you know about this?
Grindr is the world’s largest social networking app for gay, bi, trans, and queer people. Probably not much use to me – I think that Ocado would be more my line.
Plenty of Fish – there seem to be a lot of Catfish on there – perhaps it is the name. I don’t suffer from particularly low self esteem but if an incredibly hot looking man professed undying love for me after a few weeks of texting and then told me he had been kidnapped and needed money to pay the ransom, I’m pretty sure I would smell a rat!
How different it all is from the days when my mother started The Marriage Bureau (in 1939) It was the first ‘dating’ agency of it’s kind and was exclusively for marriage. Of course times were as strange then in their own way. For example one of the questions that was asked was ‘Would you allow your wife to work after marriage? ‘ .
As girls we were warned to be aware at all times – men only want one thing so we were advised to be careful. The one thing in those days was sex and not money. We took offence based on how attractive the man was. Nowadays the messages are so unclear. There are companies advertising clothes for young women that leave nothing to the imagination and yet women seem to think that you can dress like a hooker and expect men to look but not say or do anything. I rather miss the days of wolf whistles. It could be quite cheering on a dismal Monday morning to get some whistles of appreciation from a building site when on the way to work.

On the other hand change is sometimes very much for the better. This is an actual extract from a sex education school textbook for girls, printed in the early 60’s in the UK.
When retiring to the bedroom, prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance, your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom, as he would have to do for his train. But remember to look your best when going to bed. Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night.
When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him. If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it. In all things be led by your husband’s wishes; do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy. Should your husband suggest congress then agree humbly all the while being mindful that a man’s satisfaction is more important than a woman’s. When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had.
Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent. It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night-time face and hair care products. You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning. This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes.

And this was in the ‘Swinging 60s’!

As for preferences the biggest taboo today seems to be smoking and when I was young it didn’t really come into it – everyone smoked all the time. This makes quite a neat link to my only contribution to BLM – pulling down statues – presumably all that children in the future will be taught about Sir Walter Raleigh is that he was a ‘very naughty man’ – after all he has been responsible for more deaths than anyone else by bringing us tobacco and potatoes!

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4 Comments

  1. Haha – wolf whistles from construction sites used to embarrass me! I reckon that young women today still get as many conflicting messages about how to behave as we did, just different ones now.

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  2. Yeah, plenty of language change right now – much of it around how people define themselves sexually. Reading the online comments at times is like reading a fantasy novel – lol! I’m sure our sexual revolution didn’t produce as much new language 😆

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