Man’s best friend

In the world we live in today are we supposed to talk about ‘person’s’ best friend?  It is all a bit ridiculous.   When I talk about ‘Man’ or ‘Mankind’ I mean the human race.   When I talk about dogs it is an inclusive term for dogs and bitches.   Technically I don’t have any dogs, I have three bitches, but I wouldn’t go around saying ‘I love bitches, I’ve got three of them’.  I have black Labradors – I’ve never tried Googling ‘Looking for a black bitch’ but I’m pretty sure I would get into all sorts of trouble if I did that.   We Brits are supposed to a nation of animal lovers – dogs in particular and I have to confess that I have sometimes been guilty of using what I describe as ‘coochie coochie coo’ language when talking to them as in:  “Who’s a clever little girl then, are you so clever, you’re a clever, clever little girl aren’t you?’   You know the sort of thing    It’s actually making me feel a bit nauseous just seeing it written down – note to self to stop doing that.   But even I don’t refer to the inevitable sad demise of one of my dogs, over whom I will weep buckets, as ‘passing over the rainbow bridge’ and as for the expression ‘fur babies’ – not only have I had a human baby but I have been present at the birth of hundreds of puppies. It is an amazing experience to see any new life come into the world but why would, people want to refer to them as ‘fur babies’?   And of course:  “They understand every word I say”!   Do they?   I know people who tell their dog how long they are going to be before they go out.   “It’s all right, Mummy’s only going to the shops, she’ll be back in an hour.”   An hour or a week probably doesn’t feel much different to a dog – left with a nice juicy marrow bone I very much doubt they care how long you’re gone – but that might just be Labradors who definitely think with their stomachs.

As for handbag dogs and people who have entire wardrobes of designer outfits for the wretched creatures. I can’t help feeling that is is so undignified. Unfortunately, I’m ashamed to admit that I have forced my dogs to wear antlers at Christmas and the overall effect is one of complete humiliation and embarrassment on their part, coupled with ‘Well, I suppose if we want our dinner we have to put up with this’.

 And some people indulge their dogs much more than they do their children as they tell you with pride how naughty they are – I have to admit I have done that myself – ‘she’s such a character’ I say! As I take a photograph of the dog with its head in a cereal packet.  

On the other hand I get quite cross when someone’s dog jumps up at me or tries to hump my leg.  ‘They’re only being friendly’ their owners tell you.  ‘I can tell he likes you’.   Well, I’m quite a friendly person and I like lots of people, but I’ve never thought of showing this by jumping all over someone when I’m covered in mud nor indeed have I ever tried to hump any of my friends’ legs  however affectionate I have been feeling towards them.   As for people who allow their dogs to chase ponies in the New Forest saying ‘They only want to play’ – don’t get me started on them!!!  Having said all that, I am definitely a dog person – they say there are no bad dogs, only bad owners and I think that for the most part that is true.   There are a plethora of programmes about badly behaved dogs and the gurus that can sort them out.  Of course, we only see the ones they have managed to sort out – I can’t help feeling that there will be some failures particularly with older dogs.    We have to accept a bit of bad behaviour in the puppy years – they don’t know that emptying out a carefully planted flower pot is wrong until we tell them.   However…..

Two cats have deigned to live with me over the years, but I have owned countless dogs.  And if I was going to anthropomorphise things I would have to say that one might have a cat as a friend, they would probably make quite reasonable and interesting people, but just imagine how annoying a dog would be as a human.   They are a bit like the seven dwarves (or I should probably say seven persons of restricted growth) – Needy, Greedy, Noisy, Smelly, Hairy, Bouncy and Slobbery.   Although to be fair they are mostly Happy!   And as someone once said the best thing about a dog, unlike a partner, is that the later you get home the more pleased they are to see you.   And they are the best company.   After my husband died I would have found the house unbearably empty without the dogs.   We love them to pieces – I have seen strong men cry over the loss of a dog and if you are a dog person you wouldn’t be without them, they seldom live long enough whereas many people live far too long.